Counting the Cost
by Zeren Jade
Summary: After Riordan reveals the only way to slay the archdemon, Morrigan offers Eliara and Alistair a way out. But are the consequences to great? May become part of a longer story. Reviews appreciated.


"I'm sure."

My own words now rang in my head as the door shut behind her. I could still stop this, this madness. What had I been thinking to agree to this? I turned to the door and reached out to open it—

"_I am offering you a way out," she had said with a voice like honey. "Surely, the price cannot be too great, considering all that is on the line. You realize as well as I that it shall come down to your life or his._"

I turned my back on the door, leaned against it, and sank to the floor. I knew she had been right. As unbearable as the decision was, the alternative was beyond contemplation. When I left her to speak with Alistair my heart felt like it was ripping itself in half inside my chest—

He smiled when I walked in but it faded quickly when he saw my face. "What is it, my dear?" he asked.

"We need to talk," I said, my voice reflecting all of my conflicted thoughts.

He reached out his hand and pulled me towards him, as he sat on the bed. "I'm guessing this has something to do with Morrigan, I saw her waiting for you in your room."

I stood in front of him, unsure if I could even speak. "It does," I practically whispered. "I don't know how to tell you this, but you have to hear me out."

He was obviously worried. "Yes, of course, whatever it is," he said, but saw me hesitate to answer. "Please," he said and pulled me closer, but I remained standing where I was in front of him.

"Alistair, what if I told you that there was a way around what Riordan said—about the archdemon."

"You mean about the Grey Warden who kills it? I would think that would be good news. But judging by your face and the fact that it has something to do with Morrigan, I don't think I'm going to like it."

"You won't," _or_ _maybe I had hoped he wouldn't_. "But, you trust me, and know that I love you, right?"

"With all my heart," he said quietly. "So what is this about?"

I turned my face away; I couldn't look him in the eyes as I said it. "There's a…ritual, which Morrigan learned about from Flemeth—"

"Stop," he interrupted. "Flemeth? I already don't like this."

"Listen," I said. "This is hard enough. It's a ritual that Morrigan says will save us both when we fight the archdemon. She says it was her purpose here, the reason Flemeth saved us and sent Morrigan with us," My voice faltered, but it was too late. I had made my decision before entering the room, I couldn't put it off any longer. "You have to sleep with her," I said looking away, trying to hide my own disbelief at the conversation I was having.

"With _Morrigan_?" he exclaimed.

"Yes," I said turning my eyes back toward him.

He didn't move, or speak for what seemed like forever. Then he laughed, "That was good, surely whatever this ritual really is can hardly sound so bad after that scare. Very funny."

I couldn't say anything, I wanted to say "Yes, isn't it funny? Hysterical, in fact. Now let's forget all of this." But I couldn't. I had to see this through. Worse, I had to be the one to make him agree to something I couldn't even stand the thought of.

"You aren't joking," he said flatly as I shook my head. "Eliara, what are you saying? Sleep with Morrigan, are you out of your mind?" his voice was low.

"No, Alistair. Although, that would make this much simpler if I were."

"I don't understand—what kind of ritual is this? And how can it possibly be the way to make things better?"

I couldn't tell whether he was more confused, or angry. I took a breath and stepped away from him. I leaned against the bedpost, turned completely away from him again. Then I heard my voice as if it came from somewhere else saying to him, "The ritual is to produce a child, one that will carry the taint. When the demon is killed, its' spirit will seek it out, instead of us."

Alistair was on his feet before I finished, equally shocked and appalled by what I had said. "Eliara, you _must_ be out of your mind! This is insane! How could you even listen to her suggest that, much less come to me and seriously expect me to consider it!"

"Alistair," I turned around and walked over to him. "I will tell you how. Because I can't stand the thought of losing you. We've gone through too much and come too far—I would be willing to contemplate something far worse if it meant that there was even the _chance_ we would make it through this."

"But this, Eliara? Do you even realize what you're saying? You are asking me to sleep with Morrigan, to produce some sort of demon child in a degenerate ritual of Flemeth's. Absolutely not," he said and walked away from me.

At that moment I didn't know if I was more relieved or hopeless. I had two choices—accept that as his decision or convince him he was wrong. I stood for a moment where I was, he had sat back down, hunched over. I watched him for a moment, thinking of everything we'd been through these past weeks. I stuck with my decision and walked over to him.

"Look at me Alistair," he didn't even move. "Will you not even consider it? I can't lose you. This is a way out," I entreated.

He sat for a moment more, before looking up at me. "Eliara, even if I was willing to contemplate this, and I'm not saying that I am, even remotely, you actually _want_ me to do this?"

I looked down at him, I wanted to say how much I hated the very idea of Morrigan's proposal, but I couldn't. "_Want_, has very little to do with it, Alistair. A few hours ago, before Riordan told us everything, I would have said I would never agree to something like this. Now—well, now it's completely different. Now, I beg you to consider it." I could hardly believe what I was saying.

Some time passed before we spoke again. I remained standing where I was, at the edge if the bed, he was pacing the length of the room. "I can't believe we're even discussing this," he said angrily. "How does she know this would work, it would save us?"

"It's old magic of Flemeth's. This is what she had planned all along for Morrigan. She wants the essence of an ancient spirit."

"And then what? You remember that I'm to be king, right? Another bastard heir—no, a demon-bastard-heir."

"I at least know Morrigan has no concern for the throne. She said she would leave, and no one was to look for her. She wouldn't tell me her plans." He had sat down again, and I walked over to him. "I know how this sounds, but it's very likely that one of us will have to kill the archdemon. This is our only way out." I cared nothing for sacrifice, or glory, or even honor at that moment. We were so close to finishing what we set out to do so long ago, it seemed, after Ostagar. The thought of losing each other after all that was more than I could take.

He sat there in front of me, and my greatest fear was that he would continue to refuse. Eventually, he looked up at me. "Eliara, you really think I should do this?"

"Yes, Alistair."

His face darkened at my answer. "I can't believe I'm hearing this from you. Or that I'm listening. Eliara, I don't want to lose you either. If you're sure, I'll go through with it."

"_I'm sure_."

And now here I was. Morrigan had gone to him while I was alone in my room. I couldn't stand the thought of it. Yet I couldn't stop thinking about it—that it was my fault. I had to get out of my room. I was tired, but my mind wouldn't give me any rest.

I headed out of the room and down the lower floor, everyone else was gone and the halls were dark. I don't know how long I wandered, but eventually I found myself outside, sitting on the steps. Thoughts of the past months went through my head. Ostagar. Denerim. Orzammar. The Brecelian Forest. How far away Highever and my old life were. I could hardly believe that I was once the daughter of a teyrn.

As my thoughts continued to drift, I knew I was going to have to sleep at some point. I found my way back to my room. When I opened the door I saw the fire had died, but a candle was lit by the bed and a figure was sitting in its light. Turning to me, it was Alistair. I hadn't thought about what I would do when I saw him. I hadn't expected to see him again that night. It was like time stopped and we just looked at each other through the near-darkness. Finally, I don't know how much later, I walked over to him. There was nothing to say.


End file.
